Season 01 - Episode 14

‘out again he’

Ko can't sleep.

It's been hours. Laying in the dark. Staring at the ceiling. Driving himself crazy. Each breath he takes is one closer to the morning, one closer to another interview for another daily contract. One breath closer to another day of pushing boxes.

Ko tries to remember the last time he didn't wake, work, eat and sleep. He can't. Every single day for years and years now. It's unbearable. And not sleeping will make it even less bearable. If he has to do it one more time he'll go crazy. Or die. Or go crazy and then die. Everything he looks at sickens him. Even in the dark. He hasn't left this room in years. The familiarity burns like acid.

There are sounds out in the corridor. Heavy footsteps. Squeals of laughter. There are people out there. Having fun. Living. Of course he can't go out. He has work in the morning. But then, he always has work in the morning.

He's not sleeping anyway. What difference would it make? To be awake out there, among people? Or be awake in here, all alone? He'll end up feeling terrible either way. Excitement washes through him as he realises he's going to do it.

Moments later Ko is binding his breasts, setting his hair and picking out some clothes. Trembling, he steps out into the corridor. The first thing he notices is that several lights are out and that it is dirtier than he remembers.

A group of young people, loud and chaotic, sweep past him in a storm of voices. Ko follows, at a distance. They stumble along towards the sound of music up ahead then disappear through an unmarked door.

Ko hangs back for a minute then follows. The room inside is packed tight with bodies but this isn't what catches Ko's attention. The back wall of the room has been knocked through into the next and there's a makeshift bar. This isn't a party, it's an illegal nightclub!

Ko moves to the bar and orders a drink. He looks around and smiles, nodding his head to the music. Then the crowd parts to admit a group of men. They are dressed all in brown and red rags, heads shaved clean on one side.

“We are The Sons of Kro!” sing the men. “Lady of The Levels, Mistress of The Scapes, giver of light by which you see! All shall bow and know her name and we, her sons, shall drink for free!”

The cultists roar in celebration as they reach the bar. The crowd behind them thins visibly as they are served. Ko stares into his drink, determined not to be rushed. The closest cultist looks at him and narrows his eyes. Ko pretends not to notice.

“I know you,” the man shouts over the music.

“Don't think so,” says Ko, not meeting his eye.

“Yeah, I do,” says the man, placing his drink on the bar. “Where do I know you from?”

“Not me,” says Ko.

Suddenly, the man grabs Ko's wrist and stares at the back of Ko's hand. A small, curled scar is bearable visible in the low light. A reminder of a childhood accident.

“I once knew a girl with a scar like this,” says the man. Ko looks at the him and recognises him. They were children together, a long time ago. The man sees Ko's expression. His eyes widen. He grabs for Ko's crotch but Ko twists and shifts quickly.

“He's a woman!” shouts the man. “Freak! Blasphemer!”

The men whoop at the sport and try to rush Ko. She drops her drink and plunges into the crowd, ploughing through people. Hands snatch at her but she twists away. In a moment she is back out in the corridor, sprinting.

Ko skids round corner after corner. The cultists' laughs and hollers chase her all the way. She reaches her door and fumbles her keys, desperate to get inside before they see where she lives.

A little later on, Ko lies in bed and weeps. He will never go out again and knows now that he is completely trapped. Staying inside will kill him slow but going outside will kill him fast. The last of his hope slips away.

Finally, he sleeps.

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